Sunday 24 March 2013

Lesbian Loves Cats... mostly.

Holy hell. Another blog so soon? This is what I get for going to Beanscene to 'study'. Not a good idea.

Now, introducing the next topic with this photograph -



I'm going to write about a common lesbian stereotype. Which is mostly true. In my experience. I think.

Why do many (note I said many, not all lesbians are the same) lesbians loves cat or makes so much jokes about being a old lady with million of cats...



"Because it's a visual pun!"

Honestly, this baffles me. In my opinion, dogs are clearly better. They're affectionate and plays with you! They're happy to see you! But I'm just going ahead and write why I think so many of them loves cats and my experience with them.



The first time I heard about this stereotype was when I was around 19 when I was down in England giving deaf awareness talk at a LBGT event (I was openly 'bisexual' at the time, though I was thinking that I might actually be gay. Imagine that, me with a guy) there was a lesbian comedian. She was talking and joking about lesbians and cats and I seriously did NOT get it and I must've been the only one not laughing, because she noticed and said that I was a "straight person in disguise." Well, I did get the jokes about cats and pussies.

This confused me so much, that I decided to inquire afterwards on this with other people. I asked around and the first lesbian showed me a picture of her two cats on her keyring and went on and on about Snuffles and Snuggles. The second one had three cats named Ping, Pong and Pac. There was only one lesbian who didn't have cats. Lastly, I spoke to one really funny couple and joked about this is what happens when two crazy cat lovers get together; they had not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight BUT NINE CATS between them. "Heh, funny, because cats have nine lives. So yes, altogether we have 81 lives."

So this made me do research on the relationship between lesbians and cats (because obviously anything to avoid doing my assignment due on Tuesday - procrastination for the win).

So here is some of the more bizarre explanations of why many lesbians loves cat that I read online...



"Petting one's furry friend is a very delicate matter that shouldn't be taken lightly.  Furry like cat.  Also, like ladybits."

"Pussies can love toys, but they can also sometimes enjoy just an au-naturale pat session.  There's a whole world of kitty-toys out there, and it's important to find the right one.  No two kitties are alike.  Make kitty feel special."


"Kitties come in all manner of fur.  Some keep their fur short, others long and feral.  Point being: all cats are beautiful.  And, being that a great many lesbians are feminists, lesbians really appreciate that."

"Seriously, though.  Can anyone tell what gender a cat is just by looking at it?  And just like cats, the lesbian community is chock full of gender-f*cking and double-takes.  We're all about equality, on all fronts."

"
Cats always put their own interests first and don't take crap from anybody. And their purring is irresistible."


What.


The.

Fuck.

Saturday 23 March 2013

Shit People Say to a Deaf Lesbian

"You're too pretty to be gay."
"You're too ugly to be straight."

"You're too pretty to be deaf."
"You're too ugly to be 'hearing'."

"Oh my god, your English is so good!"

"You don't sound deaf!"

"You don't look deaf"

"You don't look gay at all"

"You don't dress like a lesbian!"

(When in a relationship)
"So which one of you are like the guy?"
The point of a lesbian relationship is that there is NO guys...

(When in a relationship)
"So, which one of you wears the trouser?"
"Well, neither of us. If you get it." Wink.

"Lesbian are just wannabe mens."

"I wish I was a lesbian! It would be easier!"
Really guys, ANYONE of any gender or sexuality can be cunts.

"How do you know? You haven't fucked a man before!"
"How do you know you won't like eating cat shit?"

"You're just doing it to get the attention from men."

(Friends)
"Is that girl gay? What about that girl? That girl?"
"Oh shit I dunno, let me just check my Gaydar watch!"

(Men)
"So do you want to join me and my girlfriend in bed?"

"But I thought deaf people aren't allowed to drive?"

"You're deaf? Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that..."
This violin is playing for your ignorance...

"But if you have a... hearing processor then you're not deaf right?"
Even more interesting, some deaf people have said this before...

(From deaf people about me having a cochlear implant)
"You want to be hearing right?!"

"Ew! Don't fancy me!"
"Sweet thing, don't fucking flatter yourself."

"So you're... gay... Right..."
"Don't worry, I only fancy pretty girls."

"Can you have children?"
"What do you mean? Because I'm gay?"
"But you can get IVF... I meant because you're deaf?"
Let me refer you to the anatomy of a woman's womb, thank you very much.

"Being a lesbian isn't normal"

"But how does lesbian have sex?"

"But it's not real sex..."

(Men... mostly!)
"Can I watch you both have sex?"

"Do deaf people have sex differently?"
Just... WHAT? It's not like Deaf people are aliens or something...

And last but not the least...

"So when you look at your own boobs, do you get horny?"
What. Even.