Wednesday 12 June 2013

Bisexuality (featuring the cast of Star Trek)

Let's talk about Biphobia. A serious topic for once, but one I felt that I needed to talk about.



"Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality and bisexual people as a social group or as individuals. People of any sexual orientation can experience such feelings of aversion. Biphobia is a source of discrimination against bisexuals, and may be based on negative bisexual stereotypes or irrational fear"

So basically it means you're a cunt.



There are many, many things that continue to elude my understanding and not many produces as many facepalms as biphobia (and negative bisexual stereotype, for that matter, which I will also talk about).



I mean sure, of course homophobia is terrible (after all I am gay, duh) but the way people perceives bisexuals are beyond ridiculous and is quite absurd.



There are people that do not believe that bisexuality exists... "bisexuals just basically means they're unsure if they're gay or straight", "bisexuals are just desperate people who needs sex all the time, doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman". Wait. I think I lost my ability of speech... urrhhh...



What's so wrong with loving a person, regardless of gender?

There are some people that are fine with homosexuals, but not with bisexuals... Absolutely baffling. I just don't understand at all. I would talk more about this part but I just can't, because I don't understand why this is the case. "Because bisexual people are greedy!" Everyone of any sexuality can be greedy... one doesn't need to be bisexual for that, surely?

One thing I don't get AT ALL is that many lesbians/gay guys I know do not like/trust bisexuals and/or go out with one because they will leave them/cheat on them with a guy/girl or they're just greedy. This warrants a double facepalm.



FLASHING NEWS: it doesn't matter what gender and sexuality one is anyone can be cheaters. If a girl leaves a girl for another guy, does it matter? They still left you for another person regardless, and it's the same for cheating. If they cheat on you (doesn't matter what gender that person is) it is still cheating. 

If they cheated on you, dump that pathetic ass.

And now another shocking announcement ...



FLASHING NEWS NUMBER 2: A bisexual person can be committed to one person for a very long time.

It's all very hard to take in, isn't it?

Not.

It's not like that every straight or gay person is monogamous. It all depend on the person, the human being.

It's not exactly rocket science (although rocket science is a lot easier to understand than biphobia). It was like I was once told by another bisexual that she was baffled that someone of a minority group (homosexuals) would not accept bisexuals, it is rather ironic...



Like, as a gay person, I experienced homophobia before and it is not pretty, so why would they want to inflict this onto bisexual people? I remember seeing on Tumblr that a popular gay magazine asked a question on Twitter "Would you ever date a bisexual man?" and the reply was staggering, most of them was a blatant "Fuck no!"

Google "Would you date a bisexual man?" and see it for yourselves.

One thing I don't get either is that if a bisexual woman is in a committed relationship with a man, she's suddenly straight, or if she's in a committed relationship with a woman, she's suddenly a lesbian. 

No, she is still of a bisexual orientation regardless of what gender her partner is! Bisexual people don't need to sleep with both gender at the same time to justify themselves.

"But bisexuality is a choice!"

 

Bisexuality (or homosexuality for that matter) is no more of a choice than your natural hair colour, your natural eye colour, your height, your nose shape, your eye shape and so on. 

What is a choice is coming out and embracing one's bisexuality, but unfortunately some people refrain from doing so because of so many close minded arses out there.

Rant. Over.

Why I Love Deaf People

Sneezing

Hearing people:
"Ah...choo!"

Deaf people:
"AAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEHHHHH-CHUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh man that was a massive one! Let's laugh about it!"

The Loo

Hearing people:
Go straight to the loo without announcing

Deaf people:
"I'm going to the toilet right now and do a MASSIVE shit, I've been feeling it for ages!"

Weight Gain

Hearing people:
(After gaining 2 stones)
"Erm... I mean no offence or something but... just be careful because you're putting on weight and I don't want you, to know, get fat..."

Deaf people:
(After gaining 2 pounds)
"Are you pregnant or what?"

Dinners

Hearing people:
Politely eating and not speaking with their mouth full

Deaf people:
Signing all over the table, fork smashes plate, knife makes a loud grinding noise with plate (sounds like cutlery sex), opening mouth with pieces of food sticking out of mouth, slurping food very nosily

People falling in public

Hearing people:
"Oh are you okay ma'am? Let me help you..."

Deaf people:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Doctors

Heaing people:
"Yeah, I got the doctors. It's a bit personal, sorry"

Deaf people:
"Aye, cause my balls are very swollen and I got a lump and my arse is bleeding! Bloody sore I'm telling you!"

Wellbeing

Hearing people
"You look rather tired! What did you do?"

Deaf people
"You look absolutely SHIT!"

Party introduction in the first 5 minutes

Hearing people:
"Hello... my name is David... I work as a manager for Starbucks..."

Deaf people:
"HELLO! My name is Heather! This is my signing name! I'm a business student at Strathclyde Uni! I'm 22, I'm a bisexual, I went to a mainstream school, all my family is hearing but my brothers are deaf, I got hearing aids though they found out I was deaf when I was one, I learnt BSL when I was 15, I've got a boyfriend but I broke up with my last girlfriend because she was such a cow and she cheated on me, see that guy? He fancies my best friend but he is such a creep, I had sex with that person before blah blah blah and so on and on and on"

Art/Photography Exhibition

Hearing people:
"Well... that is most certainly interesting..."

Deaf people:
"Oh my god that is SO shit! What the fuck is that supposed to be?"

Camps

Hearing people:
Knows a few people out of dozens of people

Deaf people:
Practically snogged half of the people at the camp

Fashion

Hearing people:
"That's... uhm... a nice skirt..."

Deaf people:
"Where did you get that fucking skirt? You look like Margaret fucking Thatcher!"

Airports

Hearing people:
Mostly no problems, apart of occasional cases of forgotten passports, wrong seats, wrong food types and similar problems

Deaf people (1):
"I'm deaf..."
"Oh... Do you need a wheelchair? Do you need your instruction in Braille?"

Deaf people (2):
"I'm deaf..."
"Oh okay come over here and sit with all those of obviously physically disabled people and elderly people and you will go on the plane first and other people will give you the evil eyes wondering why you're on it first!"
*feels guilty but then don't give a shit*

More will be added over time! If you have any extra, let me know please. Big thanks to everyone who contributed to this.

Monday 10 June 2013

Types of Embarrassingly Bad Kissers

(A lot of the credit goes to my sister Klarissa, and Tasha, Frankie, Baz and Ciaran for ideas :) )

The Hoover



like omg you are supposed to be massaging my lips not giving me a reverse cpr or something idk ok pls do not suck the life out of my lips that will happen when i die ok just kiss me it cant be that hard

Teeth Clasher




STAHP PLS like omg you are supposed to be kissing me not waging a war on my teeth ok omg stop banging your teeth on me with your teeth it actually is very annoying believe it or not (not ripley's believe it or not it is true ok)

The Ripper




like omg i want to keep my own piercing pls do not bite on my lips so hard my lip piercing is practically screaming you to stahp and it is not a living thing this is how bad you are (ok that was my sister she has a lip piercing but i was trying to make it dramatic ok) even without piercings it is not ok to bite my lips too hard so often that you are eating my lips it is not a delicacy you may think otherwise but i repeat my lips are not for eating ok

Frigid Kisses




pls open your mouth you are not 5 years old i thought you would have mastered kissing by now you can continue now go ahead and open your mouth and move towards my head and proceed with this process we humans call kissing ok just stop making this whole process so awkward it is not supposed to be awkward but then i suppose if it was awkward maybe we shouldnt be kissing in the first place

The Pecker



like stop pecking me you are not a woodpecker ok kiss me like a normal human being thnx i am not a chunk of wood or a tree or whatever else idk ok go to specsavers then you can see that i am a human being and i need to be loved not be drilled at on my mouth ok

The Fish



STAHP you are a human being again ok pls stop making that weird noise omg its putting me off i swear i can see bubbles coming out of you bbc breaking news you are not a goldfish surprise i know that might be hard to accept so just kiss me pls

The Washing Machine



omg you need glasses cant you not see that i am not a washing machine my tongue is not a laundry wanting to be clean there is omg such thing as too much ok pls stop confusing my tongue ok it doesnt know what to do anymore

Extreme Tongue Biter



i am adventurous i like a bit of biting oh yes pls kinky times but pls do not bite my tongue off so you can cook it and eat it i am not an ox pls ok i think its quite disgusting people eat ox tongue with tongue idk but thats just me but srsly do not bite my tongue off

"Look, No Lips!"



srsly stahp what the fuck are you doing you do not just go up to people with your tongues out like a dog srsly what are you on use your bloody lips people will run away screaming for their lifes if you approach them with your tongue out i mean seriously think about it if a giant man with a massive tongue (except gene simmons) approached you what would you have done run away yeah exactly i thought so

The Innocent



what are you an angel no okay they pls use your tongues i mean i don't mind people not kissing without tongues for a while but c'mon srsly use your tongue at one point eventually ok stop just using your mouth there is such thing as using too much mouth you are not 5 years old and no i do not have cooties ok

The Nibbler




like srsly my mouth is not a piece of food that you can just nibble off like a wee squeaky mouse ok we are not kids we can actually kiss full on like what the french people does ok although why do they call it the french kiss idk spanish people are hotter ok but yeah stop nibbling my mouth ok

The Hooter



like ok if you want to switch side and i will lean to the left or right once in a while obvs i understand but pls dont do it every 2 seconds ok i cannot move my heid like an owl coz surprise i am not an owl and neither are you look at this poor owl he is sad because when you do that he isnt good enough so when you stop switching your head he will be happy ok pls think of this poor owl you heartless bastard

The Sea



kisses from the sea shore sounds very romantic but it really isnt i mean imagine snogging at the sea face on see not pretty so it doesnt also means that i like it coming from a human being omg i mean slightly wet can be expected but stahp licking my whole face you are not a sea nor a dog or a sea dog srsly gads if you make a girl wet thats ok but wet face is not ok so pls put that tongue away

The Grim Reaper



srsly do not give me a fright to a death while kissing this is the last thing i am expecting ok i just want a good time not to find that you have been kissing me with your eyes wide open the whole time omg i need to catch my breath i want to be catching my breath after hanky panky not because you almost scared me to death omg srsly

The Mocktail




like omg how the hell can you get more than one of the above like omg you need a basic kissing lesson level 0.1 omg go and watch brokeback mountain and see how jake gylennhall and heath ledger kisses in the film i know i am gay the lesbian kind but it is not a bad place to start ok becos apparently it is very hot